What People Think About Me:
"Sexy beast. Smart Ass SOB.
Heart of gold. Need I say more?"
-The Hurricane
"Tons-of-Fun was the nerdy smart brother.
He would always point out
the flaws in our plans and bring
our heads out of the clouds"
-Matthew
"Dude is great! Really smart and funny.
Miss ya!!! Love the way he uses all
those BIG words when we chat....LOL!
Has me looking for the dictionary"
-Brenda
| What I think about Me:
Let me just start off by saying that I hate my life, but i really wouldn't have it any other way. People say that I look intimidating at 6"4. I'm just dreading the day I physically meet someone taller and i have to look up at them. I won't lie to you, I'm a very big guy and I've got a bit of a belly, but I'm not fat, and I carry myself well. Regardless of my size, I'm still as hyper and crazy as the next sknny freak. I'm crazy, but I'm not stupid. I've done fucked up shit before (like blowing up random shit), but never when I knew I'd get caught (like setting off bottle rockets in a park with a curfew of 11pm at 11:10 'cause you figured everyone was gone). People say I'm smart. I say look at the guy who did better. I never think I'm good enough (don't confuse this for a lack of confidence, that just means I try harder). I love competition. I love knowing that there are people out there better than me. I love knowing that I have to work my ass off to beat them. I've lost more competitions then I've won, but I think that's why I'm good. I hate saying I love you. So many people just say it as more of a reflex then an actual statement of truth. I dont trust anyone, not fully I mean. My lifes an open book, but only if you can unlock the puzzle. I have never told anyone everything, but barely anyone knows the same thing. Secrets and lies seem to be the story of my life, which is funny because thats all that people seem to tell me. Im loved by a few, hated by many. I dont discriminate. I hate everyone. I hate stereotypes. I hate people that say, Stereotypes are wrong when they perfectly fit the stereotype. I love me for being true to myself, I hate me for everything that I cant do. I have a lot of friends, but only about 3 people that I can talk to. Many people talk to me about their problems. I spend the majority of my time teetering between being a nice guy and an asshole. I often finish last. I love to eat, but I hate food. Im a great liar. Im one of the most depressed people I know and know one could guess. I cant cope with things that hurt, so I repress them. Im pretty funny, but people say I have weird sense of humor. Thats because its dark humor and I poke fun at even the worst of situations. (For example, if my friend was choosing between two girls and one found out and stormed away, Id tell him to count his blessings cause that was a pretty tough decision and it just made itself.). I hate the fact that I can do anything, but cant seem to get anything right. Making a decision could take years if I let it. I have a split personality. I convinced doctors that there was nothing wrong with me even though I have several personality disorders. This is probably the first truthful thing Ive written about myself since I could even write. I have a problem that people would pity me for, but I prefer to let them live in hateful ignorance, rather then become a pity case. Im lazy when Im not challenged. I wouldnt wake up in the morning if someone werent paying for me to go to college. When I have no one that cares, I let myself go. Im immature. I dont drink, I dont smoke, I dont drive, and I dont party. I am lower class, but not poor. My parents struggle to break even, but end up further in debt. Even though people always surround me, I feel alone. I dont like group things, I try to personally single myself out and lean against a wall I the back. I hate being part of team, yet not only do I end up in groups and teams, people often have me lead them. I hate that responsibility, even though I am naturally good at it. No one knows. I boost my own confidence by telling myself that Im awesome. It actually works. I say what I mean and mean what I say. I have no problem voicing my opinion, even if Im the only one who thinks that way. Im respectful of others, mostly to avoid conflict. You know I consider you a friend when I approach you with some sort of obscenity (i.e. whats up fuckface?). Im creative. I love to come up with things from out of thin air. I love to write, Im a poet, but Im also a sucker for poetry. I love to see what other people write. I love the mysterious, but nine times out of ten, when youre no longer a mystery, Ill let you go to on to better things. Umm, this is a lot, but I still have more to say. I guess another time then.
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